I created this video last night, and WOW is it causing a controversy! I really created this video to voice my opinion about the change in men that I met. It's funny, because people on my YT channel are feeling me and understand where I am coming from, maybe because 98% of them are natural. But apparently, on Black Hair Media, people are disagreeing with me to the utmost extent! Can't please 'em all, I guess...
http://forum.blackhairmedia.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=185940&PN=1
30 comments:
Okay, BOO to the folks at BHM... it's one thing to disagree, it's another to say that someone needs to keep her opinion to herself... seems like they were offended by what you had to say, though without a really valid reason. But whatevs.
Meanwhile, I'ma have to post a video response to this, because I think it's so true! Lol. Loved the vid.
Well I can't wait to meet the kind of guys you are talking about because they sound like my type. By the way I so love what you are wearing in the video! So professional but still approachable. Very cute! I hope I start attracting the right guys, too bad I'm too busy to deal with them at the moment :)
I do like BHM forums but some of the people on there have issues. They are the same people who got offended when lace front wigs and glues were brought into question on bnvillage forums. they created a hateration thread about them too, lol gotta laugh. each to their own though I find it shocking that they are looking for things to attack you about just because they do not agree.
Cannot say whether being natural attracts a different type of man. I wear pieces alot. Maybe its that age old law of attraction. You have conquered the mainstream look and now embraced what God blessed you with and therefore you attract like for like. a deeper more meaningful attraction.
Keep speaking your mind the intellegient and respectful way you do.
I love the video! You sound like you're from around my way (DC).
Anyways, I'd disagree a bit w/you...but just a little. I'm finding guys who approach me or my girls who are natural coiff'd sistas have certain preconceived notions OR they tend to be a bit superficial. As in, they like what the "look" can get them. They put on as conscious, inspired and inspiring types but a just using it as yet another booty-conquering method.
I say all this just to say that it will always boil down to simply getting to actually know a person. How many crappy books have you read that had bangin' covers??
Great blog! I'll be swingin' through again! :)
You are interesting! I don't really agree with you. I think stereotypes are bad. I definitely like men who compliment my hair but I equally like to educate those who don't. Sometimes grown people still need to learn :)
Hey, agree/ disagree, it's all good! Thanks for commenting! I knew I'd have to create a part 2 to this, b/c there was no way I could some up the differences in men that I attract as a natural.
There are definitely also more older guys, guys from other nationalities, etc. And just b/c they are "artsy" or "conscious" or whatever does NOT mean they aren't trying to have sex with you! At the end of the day, a HUGE portion of any characteristic of men are trying to get it in!
Just the differences in the men that I have noticed, personally!
And also, a person may definitely appear one way or like different things, but that DOES NOT make him a good guy, a smarter guy, a nicer guy, etc. Just my observation!
Too many generalizations but love your blouse. I have had the DEEPEST conversations and relationships when I was relaxed and I've had clowns approach me as a natural. Men like long hair, plain and simple, relaxed, natural or weaved up- don't matter.
In my opinion, as a natural, I have felt like I attracted more diverse groups of men and not just black men. To be honest, the black men I have attracted seemed to be a lot of talk and trying to be like the Dwele-type. I am not really interested in that neo-soul vibe as I feel it really isn't doing much but perpetuating a romanticized view of "black love" as they say. In my opinion, that doesn't really exist, and it's really just about two people who enjoy one another. But you are indeed a beautiful woman, relaxed or natural, it doesn't matter. In this respect, you should make note of how superficial guys in general can be because of a woman's hair? You are still the same great person you were when you had relaxed hair, so why didn't those Dweles approach then? Okay, I am starting to ramble, but I think you get the idea. If a guy is a great guy, he will approach based on your personality, and not based on what you hair looks like (relaxed or natural). But just a side tip, I hope you have been catching on to those glances a natural sista gets from Billy or Juan (no offense intended by the name choices) :)
I just discovered your blog via YB and you are sooo beautiful! I have been thinking about going natural for a while but have not had the courage!(don't know how to start).. The men I meet have negative comments when I have a lil new growth and haven't gotten my hair relased in awhile! It's very frustrating! So I think you are correct, guys who like relaxed hair are not as deep I definitely have not met one who would even be interested in a museum or poetry etc.... Unfortunately, that seems to be all that we have to choose from where I live (Minnesota)and I'm really wishing we had the brothas ur talking about here! LOL
Wow!!! Are you my long lost twin sister? You said so much and I agree with you 100% I watch your youtube tutorials and I love them you are awesome! I am a natural girl and have been for a few years now. I have experienced the very things that you have said so I know and feel they are true also. When I rock my natural hair, my fro I intimidate men more so than when I'm wearing weave or a wig. You do attract a certain type of man when being natural and those types of men seem to be more patient and love you for you and are not into all that artificial stuff. These are the guys that tell you ur beautiful without makeup even tho I'm an addict for real girl I need help;)one of the first things my current boyfriend said to me was that I love ur hair and the second thing was can I touch it and my current boyfriend is white and he looooves the natural look he's always begging me to wear my fro out instead of weaves. And my ex's who were black loved the silky straight and frowned on the natural hair and even advised me against going natural when I wanted to do so. But don't get me wrong I love my black men they are beautiful but I'm also attracted to white men and I'm not with a white guy cuz some brotha did me wrong NO! It's just who I'm with now and all about how someone treats me. I seem to attract more men from different backgrounds including white men with the natural hair do. I think the sistas that rock natural hair are not afraid to be who we are I'm still the same me a beautiful brown girl and my boyfriend loves that confidence and he's real and always tells me that he loves me for me attitude and all and that he wouldn't change a thing about me and I think that is beautiful. You definitely attract real men with the natural hair granted u will attract the fake wanna be real niggas but they're pretending and all about the superficial things but my negro even tho he's white loves the natural. You should definitely do a part 2 I got ur back girl. I'm from Florida but I live in Maryland we should do lunch one day chic we'd have sooo much to talk about!! You are beautiful and not afraid to speak ur mind and it takes women like that to rock a natural. I'm definitely not a conformist. Natural hair is powerful and is empowering and everyone can't rock it but the women who do are the strongest of the strong and the fro is an outward way of showing ur strength and many men are intimidated by that and some just feel that it is not a good look like u say they like ur body and ur face but are turned off by the hair. Anyway I could go on and on about this and many other issues and controversial subjects which I might cause some controversy over some things I've said here but oh well such is life. Give me some feedback girl email me girl.
I really enjoyed your video; maybe because I'm a natural and because I agreed with so much of it. LOL!!!
But I really do feel that men who are attracted to natural women have the ability to break out of the conventional way of thinking (i.e. hair has to be straight to be beautiful) and are therefore more interesting to me.
Great blog!
So what about the press n' curl girl?
Rue
http://www.outdoorafro.com
Hey Rue,
If they can't tell you're natural, you may or may not see the trends I'm referring to. There are many pressed girls that I have no clue they are natural, b/c they still appear to be relaxed. I only pressed my hair once so I couldn't even tell ya! lol
I got myself a GOOD, GOOD brother :=}
And he passed the test...well it wasn't a test as such. He always, always complimented me on my hair; I was natural for six years. From when he first met me...'I love your hair' and how he described me to his friends...'she has a beautiful afro' etc etc
Then one day after too genral frustration with my hair...and trying to avoid exam revision, I found myself with a relaxer kit and went and relaxed 6 years of beautiful hair...that was January 09. I can safely say I began my transition when he walked through the door and looked like he might start crying and never stop. He was like 'baby where IS your hair? when is it gonna get back to normal i.e natural?', followed by, 'but why, why, why?'
So now I am transitioning, it's easy because everytime I wash my hair he excitedly goes, 'It's coming back yaaaaaaaay' I LOVE THIS MAN. lol
But yeah I totally get you, and what you are saying about the type of man you attract when natural. I do not want to generalise; there are certain men who are totally oblivious to hair issues within the African and African American Community. For the man I am dating my hair was the first indication to him about the kind of person I am...and his attraction to my hair was the first indication of the kind of man he is. We happened to be right in our assumptions :) :) I love your blog!
You are flippin gorgeous as well hehe :-)
Much, much love xxxx
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